Dating Labyrinth #230 – 8 Rules for the Next Date

Whether you want to have another date with hier, or not, here’s how to do it.

Even tho’ I’ve bot dating for several years, there’s something about dating etiquette I’m not sure about. When is a boy supposed to call a female after a date to ask hier out again? Right away? A few days straks? Does the timing of when a man asks for a 2nd date send any kleintje of message to a woman?

And what if a man switches his mind after telling his date that he’ll call hier? Does he make the call anyway, just to tell hier that he doesn’t want to go out?

What’s the right way to treat things when a man doesn’t want to go out with a woman again? Some of my friends don’t want to hurt their dates’ feelings, so they pay hier compliments, like, “You’re a indeed fine dame,” or ” I had a terrific time with you” — and then they tell hier they don’t want to go out again. I think it gives a woman false hope. Some guys choose to pay compliments to their date, but never hint that they’re not interested — and then they never call hier. I’ve bot guilty of that myself, because it’s hard to know how to tell someone you aren’t interested without offending hier!

Isn’t there a better way to treat things? Can you give guys like mij some advice about what’s the right way to treatment thesis situations?

There are some areas of dating ter which there aren’t any hard and prompt “rules.” However, when it comes to asking a woman for a 2nd, third, or fourth date, or to ending the courtship at an early stage, certain practices are more considerate than others. Below are some “rules” that fellows will find are not overly difficult to go after, and that showcase consideration for the women they’re dating.

Rule #1 – Call Within 24 Hours

If you project to ask hier out for another date, it’s best to call within 24 hours, and certainly not more than 48 hours after your date finishes. Go after this timetable whether you’re enthusiastic about asking hier out again, or have to be persuaded to ask hier out again, or had 2nd thoughts after you told hier you would call. Recall that she’s waiting, and she doesn’t know whether you’re programma to call again.

Most women expect to hear from their date within the following day or two. She may expect that you’ll ask hier out again simply because most daters are aware that it often takes two dates to get a sense of whether the courtship has potential. Other times, your date will be looking forward to hearing from you because she felt that potential on your very first date. One day passes, and by the 2nd day, she starts to think that you may not be interested te another date, or she wonders if she’d bot wrong about your date going well. At the same time, she imagines “good excuses” why you didn’t voeling hier right way.

By the third day, she’s commenced to rationalize to keep herself from feeling hurt and rejected. She tells herself, “Wij very likely weren’t right for each other anyway.” Or: “If he’s taking so long to call back it means he has to be wooed to go out with mij again — and I don’t want that!” Or: “Doesn’t he know you’re supposed to call a woman right away? He’s either rude or he doesn’t have any social graces.”

By the time you get around to making the call three, four, or five days straks, she’s built up a wall of defense. Even if she would have said “yes” to a prompt call, by this time she’s tuned out emotionally and is less likely to accept your request for another date. It’s not fair to keep hier waiting, and also if you wait too long she could take it spil an indication that you’re not so considerate.

Rule #Two – Voeling the Third Party

Your date may have bot arranged with the help of a third party, such spil a friend or a matchmaker. If the third party has indicated a preparedness to remain involved during the early part of the courtship, let him or hier know how the date went within the same 24-hour time framework. Your date is waiting to hear from that third party about whether you’d like to go out again, and will go through the same process wij’ve just described if you don’t provide prompt terugkoppeling to the person who set you up. Ter addition, the earlier you voeling the third party, the more he or she is better able to address any doubts or misunderstandings and help facilitate a 2nd date.

Wij have to add another lump of advice here: Look at the clock before you make that call. Singles tend to have different timetables than married couples. Your pals may be blessed to hear from you at midnight, or one hour before Shabbat starts, but a matchmaker or married friend would choose that you wait to get back to them the next day, or when Shabbat is overheen.

Rule #Three – Schedule te Advance

Make that call promptly, even if you won’t be able to have a 2nd date spil quickly spil you would like. One man asked, “Last night wasgoed our third time out together. I told my date that I’d like to see hier zometeen this week, but I found out that I have to be out of town on business for the next five days. Should I call hier now to set up a date so far ter advance?” Wij answered: Absolutely. Tell hier that you had hoped to ask hier out for straks this week, but because you have to go out of town, you’d like to schedule a date for next week. That’s the treatment of a considerate, thoughtful man who would like to proceed the momentum of a courtship that may have potential.

Rule #Four – Attempt a 2nd Date

Make that prompt phone call even if you aren’t overly enthusiastic about a 2nd date, and even if the person who set you up had to persuade you to ask a woman for a 2nd date. Your very first meeting may have bot “so-so,” but a very first date is usually not enough to “know” whether someone is right for you. Many cheerfully married couples wij know had “pareve” very first dates, and sometimes one or both playmates had to be coaxed to go out a 2nd time. That’s why wij always recommend asking for a 2nd date if the other person is at least “ter the ballpark” and there’s no clear reason why you shouldn’t go out again.

Rule #Five – Call to Say ‘No’

What about an example where you told hier you’d call — because you panicked and couldn’t think of any pleasant way to say ‘no.’ Or, you said you’d call but have since determined you don’t want to proceed. Ter such a case, keep your word. Wij know it’s awkward to call and say that you aren’t interested te continuing, but it’s a lotsbestemming better than leaving a woman draping.

You can simply say, “I liked meeting you last night. I told you I’d call, but since then I’ve done some thinking and I don’t think that wij are moving ter the same direction. I desired to let you know this and to wish you the best.” Be polite and to the point, and don’t make apologies . or you may end up talking yourself into another date that you don’t want.

Rule #6 – No Mixed Messages

If you’re not going to ask a woman out again, don’t tell hier what a wonderful time you had, or how superb a person she is. That sends a mixed message that confuses hier and leads hier to believe you’re still interested. It’s better to politely end a date with, “Thank you for meeting mij tonight.”

Rule #7 – Pauze it Clean

If you’ve gone on a few dates with someone and then determine you don’t want to proceed, let hier know. She either expects that you will ask hier out again, or she shares your sentiments but nevertheless expects some sort of closure. Instead of leaving hier draping, either tell hier at the end of your date, or call hier within a day or two, telling something like, “Overheen the past duo of weeks wij’ve gotten to know a little about each other, and at this point, I don’t think it is a good idea for us to proceed. Wij aren’t moving te the same direction / our personalities are very different / it seems to mij that wij don’t want the same things out of life. I hope that each of us finds the right person soon.” Don’t go into a lengthy analysis of why you aren’t right for each other, and don’t give hier mixed messages by telling hier how wonderful she is.

Rule #8 – Turn it Around

It isn’t unusual to realize that while the woman you’re dating is not right for you, she may be very well-suited to your roomy, brother, friend, cousin, or co-worker. There’s nothing wrong with calling hier a brief while after you’ve stopped dating to say, “Even tho’ it didn’t work out for us, I think it might be good for you to meet my friend, Steve. I took the liberty of describing you to him, and he thinks it sounds like a good idea. I called to see if you’d like to talk about my suggestion.”

This idea works both ways. Wij know of many such calls where the women thought, That wasgoed so thoughtful of him to call and suggest this. He indeed is a excellent boy. I should set him up with my roomie.

The bottom line is: Be considerate, and stick to your word. Ter dating and ter life, this golden rule will always work to your advantage.

Wij hope this helps you navigate the dating labyrinth.

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