8220,I had bot texting this woman for a good three weeks, and wij ultimately determined to go out on a date.

8220,I had bot texting this woman for a good three weeks, and wij ultimately determined to go out on a date.

Dating is messy enough spil is, but the Internet complicates it even more. (How can you certainly know who a person is before you meet them IRL? What if they secretly have a face tattoo? Etc, etc.)

Thesis 15 stories of online dating disasters will feed your thickest paranoias.

1. “We met at a nave pub for a few drinks, and wij got chicken fingers. The conversation wasgoed terrible, but I noticed she wasgoed taking the chicken fingers and tearing them up te hier mitts and putting the breading ter hier big purse. So naturally I called hier out on it. She smiled and said, ‘Oh, I’m just feeding Sammy,’ and pulled out a fat chinchilla from hier purse. She plopped the thing ter the middle of the table, and it just kinda chilled out. I played with the chinchilla a bit, and she kinda got mad at mij for playing with it and back te the purse it went.”

Two. “I go on a date with a photographer. Wij got along okay, the conversation went well, and ter the course of the date, he asked mij about bad dates I’ve bot on. I brought up this 450 lb. stud I’d bot on a date with a few months ago. He asked if the man wasgoed named XXX. Turns out I wasgoed on a date with the boy’s roomie.”

Trio. “I got to know a nice gal for a few weeks before wij determined to meet up for a hiking date. She only dreamed to communicate through email or the dating webpagina – which I thought wasgoed odd but just went with it. Thirty minutes into our date, I found out why…. She’s married and hier hubby is a jealous, gun-collecting hunter type who she’s thinking about leaving.”

Four. “I ended up dating a boy a few times. Eventually he asked if I’d like to see his vapid, and I said yes. He had explosions of swords and machetes on the wall and determined to hold one to my mouth to vertoning mij how exceptionally strong they were.”

Five. “I met a doll who described herself spil a 24-year old woman who’s blonde. I arrived on the date, all glad, but realized that the doll who sat wasgoed a 40-year old lady with two children and wasgoed just finding an excuse to leave hier house.”

6. “One lady I met up with wasgoed on house hechtenis and ‘left behind’ to tell mij.”

7. “I met up with a lady who brought a map total of laminated copies of hier own poems, then asked mij to read and critique them at the table.”

8. “This woman seemed indeed cool, she wasgoed gezond, witty, and had piercings. I wasgoed a fan. When wij meet up, the wit disappeared. I threw hier a duo of wordy jousts. Nothing. It turns out hier roomie had bot helping hier reply to messages. That’s cool, I thought, I can be friends with nice people that aren’t witty. Then I found out that hier nose stadionring is a weirdly shiny wart that she attempts to pass off spil a nose stadionring because she’s embarrassed by it. All of this wasn’t the worst part, however. Without asking, she reached overheen and commenced picking toppings of my pizza. It wasgoed unforgivable.”

9. “I joined OKC four years ago hoping to meet up with a bunch of damsels. I spent a week messaging a few damsels and determined to meet the very first of thesis damsels to waterput my project into act. Wij ended up hitting it off and embarked dating exclusively. Four years straks, and wij are still dating. She entirely ruined my project.”

Ten. “We met online, and he seemed cool and funny. Wij went out a few times. A few weeks te, he told mij I wasgoed almost volmaakt, except my upper arms were fat. I think he meant it spil a vleierij.”

11. “I had bot texting this chick for a good three weeks, and wij ultimately determined to go out on a date. I suggest wij go to dinner and a movie at an Italian restaurant closer to hier place so she can walk/bus, and I can do all the commuting. It takes mij an hour to drive there, and I arrive at the restaurant before she does a good thirty minutes before our date, so I could be ready. The waitress brings hier to my table, and I see another man walking with hier. They both sit down and at this point I’m indeed confused. She introduces mij to hier spouse, and he tells mij that they’ve bot looking for another man to join them because his wifey likes sleeping with two studs at the same time, and he’s into it spil well. For the very first time ter my entire life, I wasgoed totally speechless. I had no idea how to reply, so I just got up and walked out of the restaurant without telling a word.”

12. “When I didn’t want to go on a 2nd date, he sent mij a photo of him cutting himself with blood everywhere titled, ‘I bleed for you.’”

13. “I wasgoed messaging with a dame I’ll call ‘Ashley.’ It wasgoed one of those conversations that instantaneously took off, and wij were talking for at least four hours straight. Wij determined to go get dinner, and she wasgoed even better ter person. At the end of this date, wij commence making out, and she stops us before wij get too far and says she’s not ready for that, which I respect. When I got huis, she texted mij telling that I wasgoed just going to use hier had wij had hook-up, calling mij a pig. Next day, I get a text from Ashley’s phone asking if I knew where she wasgoed and if I wasgoed the last person to talk to hier. Hier friend went to hier house, where Ashley had evidently left hier phone, and hier car and the vuurlijn doorheen wasgoed broad open. So I told this mystery person to call the cops. When she refused I said that I would and lo & behold, Ashley shows up. ‘I had just gone for a walk. Didn’t know you cared about mij so much lol.’ The next day I go to work. I usually leave my phone ter my truck until refrigerio, so when I went out for refrigerio at noon, I had 115 fresh texts and 48 missed calls. Yup, that’s it – I wasgoed done. So I blocked hier number and assumed that wasgoed it. Wrong again. She knew where I worked and the rough time I got off work, which is almost an hour and a half from where she lived. She attempted following mij huis. I took a roundabout way of getting huis and ran a few crimson lights but managed to lose hier.”

14. “I’m talking to this beautiful dame, and wij eventually make plans to meet at a recinto pub. I voorstelling up and it turns out it’s my junior sister. Wij had both evidently made fake profiles.”

15. “The dude wasgoed instantly sort of creepy – tho’ he seemed flawlessly natural via email of course – but I’d traveled a good 45 minutes to get there, so I figured I’d at least observe the movie with him and pay for my own toegangsbewijs. He had this weird look ter his eyes that screamed ‘awkward 27-year-old that has never seen a melon and is creepily close to his mother.’ I sat down with him, and he waterput his palm on my gam. I moved his mitt away. He waterput it back on my gam. I moved it away again. Zometeen on ter the movie, he waterput his forearm back on my gam but his fingers moved to my inward hip. I very quickly moved his arm and told him to not touch mij again or I’d get up and leave. He just sort of chuckled and spinned his eyes and waterput his forearm back on my gam. I spanked his arm away, stormed out of the theater, and he followed right after mij going ‘What? What. What’d I do. ‘”

Posts have bot edited from Reddit for length and clarity.

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