I have done A Loterijlot of speed dating!
When you write a dating blog, speed dating is part of the territory. And so for the last Two years, I’ve attended more speed dating events than I can count. You name it, I’ve done it! ‘Elite’ speed dating, silent speed dating, vensterluik speed dating, paper bag speed dating, cycle speed dating, literary speed dating … The list resumes.
But no matter the gimmick, it always seems to come down to the same formidable truth. Speed Dating doesn’t work te .
Speed dating originated ter 1998, and wasgoed set up by an American rabbijn, spil a way for youthfull, single Jewish people to meet one another. Back ter the naughties, when the idea wasgoed novel, speed dating events attracted large diverse crowds. Up for a laugh, people embraced the novelty, and attempted it. But spil the years have gone on, the popularity of speed dating has dwindled … leading to very different audiences.
Unluckily, the reality of modern-day speed dating, is that whilst most of the events take place ter kroegen, the caudillo crowd, particularly the studs, are not people who are convenient ter caf. The very nature of speed dating means you have a captive audience. A member of the opposite hookup has to talk to you for at least four minutes, and so this encourages the most jumpy types of daters. People who wouldn’t normally treatment the opposite hook-up ter the efectivo world.
If you’re jumpy this can be a good thing. But the problem with speed dating, is that often the women who are attracted to speed dating events are VERY different to the guys. Ter común, women will turn up ter groups, and be more relaxed and certain about the affair. Whilst sociable women might see Speed Dating spil an chance to broaden their pool of options, attractive, sociable boys very uncommonly consider speed dating an option (unless they’ve bot dragged along by a friend). And so you often end up with a flow of attractive, sociable women, talking to more awkward, a-sociable boys, who they would never normally speak to. This isn’t a recipe for success, for either party. The guys (who most often turn up awkwardly on their own) are out of their depth, and the women end up disappointed.
I’ve seen women walk out of speed dating events before they even begin. I’ve even seen a woman raise hier score sheet above hier head at the end of the night, and demonstratively rip it to shreds … yes, honestly! I’ve seen guys pauze down te tears, fight to find conversation topics to last Four minutes, and most recently one stud admitted he came regularly to speed dating events because it’s the only time women will talk to him!
Even if you aren’t the most socially certain person, speed dating can be more of a bane, because the nature of it – a brief Four or Five minute judgment, sitting face on with a stranger ter a compelled environment – can make it feel like an vraaggesprek, and make you even more jumpy and awkward.
The unfortunate reality of singles events (and this applies all overheen the world) is that women will always attend. Guys are the hardest ones to attract, and certain, attractive guys are the hardest to attract, because normally those guys can walk into kroegen any night of the week and talk to women.
The key to a good singles event is organising something which boys WANT to go to. And that is not being sat te a crappy tapkast, on the quietest night of the week, being coerced to talk to 20 women. And organising something that doesn’t feel like an vraaggesprek – an activity where you engage with others more naturally. Ice-breakers are useful, but you want to be sideways on and doing something which you can talk about, not coerced to sit face to face te clinical booths, literally judging each other on a slip of paper.
Whenever singles ask mij which dating sites to use, I always say you need to think about the guys or women you’re attracted to. Which sites appeal to them? Which sites attract the most people you’re attracted to? Use those sites. The same applies to singles events. If you have a certain ‘type’, then look at your friends, and find the friend who most resembles that type of person. Where would he or she go? Would he or she go speed dating? If not, then don’t go – go to something he or she finds joy instead.
Yes, speed dating can work – but only if you’re the type of person who NEEDS a bell and a tick sheet to talk to a stranger for Four minutes (but won’t get intimidated by the situation). If you’re not that zuigeling of person, or not attracted to that zuigeling of person, then don’t bother with speed dating, because you’ll only be disappointed.